TRIGGERED
Today, for the first time since June 1, the day I abandoned all things sweet, I got triggered. For weeks, I've put off doing something about replacing my super-faded summer yoga pants, so wornout they have an embarrassing hole in the back. I put it off until this morning when I went to downtown Santa Monica's TJ Maxx and took a half-dozen "activewear" pants into the dressing room to try on. Can you guess where this story is heading? Yep. An experience almost as bad as trying on bathing suits. I was prepared for the belly bulge, but my thighs? They looked huge. (Do I have Dad's, not Mom's, body?) Worse was the bulge -- how can I say this? -- in the front crotch area. (Perhaps you are fortunate enough not to know what I mean.)


Now, I am triggered, primed for emotional eating.


In the checkout line, I had to pass by the cookies and candy and the vending machine with a shelf full of Diet Coke at a discount. (In spite of everything, I had forced myself to choose a pair of yoga pants. It was either that or continue wearing the ones with the growing hole.)


I managed to get out of there alive, without a Diet Coke, without anything sweet. But I had one more errand: Von's grocery store. First thing upon entering, I see slices of moist-looking lemon cake under glass at the in-store Starbucks counter. (I could be in a packed football stadium and my eye, without even trying, would find the one single cookie somewhere in the bleachers.)


I turned away from the lemon cake and lots of other slippery things as I shopped, and managed to get out of Von's alive too.


Sounds like I'm exaggerating, no doubt. But if any of you know the pull, the force field of emotional eating, you know what I'm talking about.


Driving home felt like heading for shelter. I calmed myself down by reminding myself that I had wild rice and cranberries at home, as well as some watermelon. And also that I could write about this challenging trigger on our blog.


Thank you for listening.