COUNTDOWN DAY 65--IN CASE ANYONE'S LOST TRACK

I haven't weighed myself in 30 years. For me, the scale triggers a preoccupation with weight and both under- and over-eating -- thus, putting myself at risk for a relapse into bulimia, the horror of which I have made a deep commitment never to experience again. The self-created rule I live by:  if you eat it, it stays in.


So since getting back to Santa Monica a few weeks ago, maybe I've lost an ounce. For me, that's moving in the right direction. I can live with an ounce at a time. I can't "fight" with my weight. I'll always lose. So my focus is on eating foods dense with nutrients. No empty calories. And no carbohydrates, even whole wheat bread, that turn quickly to sugar. Only whole grains, fresh vegetables and fruit, nuts, quinoa, veggie burgers. When you're an emotional eater like me, overly dependent on comfort food, eating only "alive" foods is difficult over time. I have to keep it gentle. Letting go of sweets. Returning to aerobic exercise, which for me in past years has gone hand-in-glove with being lean. Can't push though. My whole being says it's had enough of me pushing it. This happened after my mastectomy. My body wants to move, but not if my intention is to "whip it into shape." Haven't walked, hiked, or gotten on my exercise bike yet, but want to. So these are my morning thoughts.