BREAKING NEWS: 

Migraine Sufferer Discovers Unconventional Treatment

    OCEAN CITY — Camille Nickles, long  plagued by crippling migraine

headaches, found an unexpected remedy yesterday in this small New Jersey beach town, home of OCHC wrestling coach and Ocean City native, Bill Nickles, the proud husband of our story’s star. Yesterday, Mrs. Nickles sensed one of her Nor’easter headaches coming on, heading straight for her residence at 55 Asbury Avenue. Her house lay directly in the storm’s path. In fact, the usually calm, former high school teacher felt certain it would make its way up the front steps and explode through the front door.
      Quickly, she dispatched to the store her also-calm twentysomething

daughter Kirsten, our story’s other scintillating heroine. As Mrs. Nickles revealed to us later, in the face of impending doom she had been struck with inspiration.

      “Daughter dearest, I need you to drive your black Honda Civic, the one just like your Aunt Mignon’s, to Wawa." Wawa is a word passed down from the island's original inhabitants. "Pick up these two things," Mrs. Nickles continued. She described possessing a powerful certainty about the instructions she was about to impart to her concerned daughter. "Get me a giant cold Coke and a bag of Cheetos, any size will do. Please hurry.”

      And the rest is history. This writer has no doubt that migraine sufferers from near, far and wide will  seek out Mrs. Nickles’ counsel each and every day for the rest of her life. 

        Mrs. Nickles declined to comment on her reaction to this honor. She also

 declined to reveal her weight, as did her husband.


ERRATA:  We apologize for two errors: It was McDonalds not Wawa. It was a bowl not a bag of Cheetos. We applaud Mrs. Nickles on the bowl vs. bag.

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OTHER COMPELLING NEWS:

         Yesterday, a woman in Santa Monica, California, successfully installed, by herself, a new handheld shower water filter. . . Late today, one of Boston’s leading accountants, Kim McCarthy, discovered with some relief that the two pounds she woke up to this morning were composed strictly of H2O. . . A woman who goes by the name "Sister 8" and is in possession of a "physique," as well as a husband and two boys, eagerly awaits delivery of her heart rate monitor. . . Mystery surrounds the blonde at 10 Village Drive who recently installed a wooden deck on the back of her cute yellow house and hasn't been seen since. . . A formidable  Scrabble, Bridge and all-round games player with an updated haircut and manicured nails has just published "How to Succeed at Games Without Really Trying," a book in which she reveals for the first time her Einsteinian secrets to beating one opponent after another. . .