Just looked at the blog on a whim.  Apropos that it is New Year's Eve, yes.  I'm back with you, Sis. Here we go.  I was just saying to Mom today that I KNOW I HAVE to get back into the pool.

I'll take it

Well, I can see from my last entry which was about nine days ago and the holidays, I have been struggling a bit. This morning I was down to 149.5. All I prayed was to be down. Now, I am going to the gym today. I have started using an app on  my phone called lose it (free) follows my calories to my goal.
It's funny how nighttime is such a hard time for people who are fighting chronic disease and illness and I find it's also the time when grief strikes it's hardest. I think it's the quietness and the oneness or I guess you could say being alone with yourself and your thoughts.
I am back to my yogurt for breakfast just to keep my bod out of starvation and try those smaller portions and avoid that NIGHT food. We call this mindful eating.
I'm glad I started before the new year. This is not my New Year's resolution. It's the same plan I made a year or so ago, I just got off the track when I stopped loving myself AGAIN.
I must say though, I am looking forward to a new year and all the hopes that it can bring.
I'm guessing one of these days my sisters will come back to the homeland here.

What happened to day 5 because it's now day 6

Well, I missed yesterday. Not so much for lack of trying. I got up got my "workout" clothes on. Which by the way would not be considered in or probably stylish for the community center. I started chores. Really I was going until it came around 12 and I realized those kids all had a half day. I wasn't doing that again. So, I moved in front of the TV which lasted maybe 10 minutes on the fitness channel before my own kid came home.
Today the older kid has the car. So, I got all geared up, ipod in pocket to head for an outside walk. I am such a wuss it is toooo windy. I am going to scrub and clean the kitchen. Does that count?? 150 lbs. The most I have ever weighted not pregnant. I really don't know how I let myself get this way. It's a good thing I'm trying to be mindful now before all the holiday cookies.

Day 4

I made it to the gym again but in the nick of time.  I now know you must be walking out of the gym probably by 2:30.  It gets inundated with kids after school. My guess is stay clear from 2:30 to 6 on school days. I'm just glad I got there. I got the letter about col's probate. I hated seeing the word deceased. Tomm. is the last day of school whoo hooo but sadly my son needs to have a mole removed. This has been a tough month for that kid.
I went to Target and was so hungry. Out shopping and had my morning yogurt. I bought an apple. Can you imagine. I don't know if I have ever just bought an apple alone without groceries.  How novel.

Trust

Day 3 and I made it to the gym however I can't say much for my other habits. It's hard to work in a restaurant when it's slow and have the chef put out a veal chop with black truffle butter or even the couple bites of crispy bacon steak. I can hear a couple of you gagging but I love that fat. Then there's the cake for breakfast tradition. But, I swear I only had a sliver.
Camille's friend gave her these little angel talisman's I guess I would call it for us. I picked one that said trust.  I trust that things are how they should be. That we really don't have control over much. So, I will try to remind myself of that. It hangs in my car with my hummingbird from my sister bracelet.
Hope you guys get motivated soon. Miss you all.

What I now know

Well it's day 2. I went to the gym again and it wasn't until 12:15.  I used to think I had to get to that gym first thing in the morning or I just wouldn't have the energy to go or something. Today, I did a few errands, baked a cake and then I went. If I could run over to col's any which time of the day and find that time. Then, I can get myself to a gym at anytime as long as I get there and keep my health.
I'm also going to blow dry my hair for the 2nd day Ha what do you think of that.

I will blog alone

Okay sisters,
     I know we can't all be on the same page at the same time. But, I will blog alone until you can join me. I went to the gym for the first time today in forever.  I thought if I loved myself just half as much as I love Col then I will find some benefit. When I had my hair cut right before col's funeral, the woman cutting my hair (who by the way col sent me to) said what would Colleen want you to do? I said Yoga. I knew then that I would try Yoga which I intend to do. I have to get a mat. I'll let you know how it goes. I hope to see you soon. Also, back to skinny rules once more. #1 Drink that water!!Mindful Eating I know has always been and was the answer for me before.